Friday, June 03, 2011

Burning Bridges

I’m not sure what happened last Friday.  My run around lunch time on Thursday got hot fast, and I’m sure that it depleted my sodium and potassium stores.  The lingering effects of that run, no doubt, put a damper on my Friday VOS swim set.  By design, I should have had Friday off to recover, but I needed to get the swim in before the weekend.

My new motto:  Humble Pays!

Not 12 minutes into my first center on Saturday morning, I twinged my calf muscle.  The pain was excruciating.  I spent the next few minutes trying to decide whether or not I wanted to work through the pain for the rest of the game, or give up the center to one of my assistants.  I endure, although it was not pleasant.  As the tournament carried on, I found that if I nursed my calf, I was getting closer and closer to “normal”, and I made it all the way through.

My Tuesday swim was used for recovery.  I did the prescribed yardage, but my pace was by feel.   Having neglected my bike, Wednesday morning found me on the Silver Comet Trail at the butt crack of dawn (6 AM).  It was just me, the crickets, and the fat cat rabbits (big ones!).  The bugs were out in full force as well, reminding me to keep my mouth closed while I ride.

Since I had been doing so much running on the weekend, and would be this weekend as well, I opted to do another VOS swim set on Thursday.  This time, I was better rested, and it showed.  I was able to do all 12x100 below a minute thirty, and most of them below my target pace of 1:27.  I calculated my t-pace for this session at 1:27, a full 5 seconds faster than my last VOS set.

Boy, do I look like a fool?  <==  not humble.

Later Thursday evening, my assignments for this weekend’s games came in, and my heart sank.  I had forgotten my previous experiences with State Cup here in Georgia, and the reality of it all was sinking in.  The politics and cliques and “golden child” syndrome was still present.  The quality of the matches was just terrible, and my assignments for the weekend were terrible as well.

My response to the State Assignor:  no, but thanks anyways.

I have now been officially removed from his list.  I was well aware that this would happen when I made my decision.  My father taught me a long time ago not to burn bridges.  You never know when you are going to need a relationship.  For the most part, I have accepted this as a core principle of my life.  There are times, however, when you need closure, the stamp of finality.  Nothing is more final then dancing flames, a bridge flambe.  From this point, there is no turning back.

Now, I don’t even know if I want to be a referee any more.  The disappointment I feel is strong.  The sense I have of not getting what I want from this, nor getting back equal or greater value to what I put in, is also strong, and the feeling is unpleasant to say the least.

Like my father says, these decision are best made with a clear head (a dish served cold).  I plan on doing nothing, making no decision, and if that holds true till the end of the year, then my registration will expire, and my decision will be made for me. 

We’ll just call it semi-retired, and that may or may not be a good thing.



Kim said...

oh yes, im sorry that the disappointment at the reffing situation has come to you losing your heart for it. hopefully taking a little break will bring back the love. otherwise, it was great while it lasted! way to go on that VOS set. you rock my friend.

it's all about pace said...

in my dreams I swim a 1:27 100... just one....

How's the calf?

LBTEPA said...

that's a hard thing to happen :( You've been a good example to a lot of players whatever happens

Colleen said...

Ugh... the reffing thing sounds like a mess. I think you made the right decision, as hard as it might be. And maybe it'll come back to you - enjoy your semi retirement for now! :)

1:27's? NICE!

Gotta Run..Gotta Ride said...

I hear you on not burning bridges but in this case I think you made a wise decision. still, I know it was not easy.

Great job on the swim. Like a rocket!

Macon cooked me. I began getting sick Friday and by race morning I knew in the swim that I just did not feel right. Glad I finished but I will admit that my performance suffered and that is a hard pill to take. Moving forward...right ;)

Michelle said...

Wow. Sounds like a tough decision, and possibly a big turning point for you. But it sounds like you're already making your peace with it. If you are done, you can rest easy knowing that you did a kick-ass job!

Joe said...

Way behind on blog reading, Wes, but had to comment on this.

Boy, can I identify, both from my soccer experience and baseball. The whole assigning process is a mystery and one comes to this point.

Do think it over. Your Dad's advice is good.

I have a lot of respect for your approach, Wes. Hang in there.