Thursday, September 03, 2009

Letting Go

Most people go to the assignors class with a club for which to actually... assign. Not I. I am an assignor at large. A king without a castle. I went because I wanted to broaden my horizon and learn how to schedule games.

We executed a few skits where we acted out confrontational issues assignors face doing their job. I had to handle an irate coach. When the skit was finished, I was commended on my ability to disarm the coach with what my instructor said was brutal honesty. Those of you who know me here and in real life know that there are two things you can count on with me. I do what I say I am going to do, and I am honest to a fault.

I've been questioned about what I write on this blog and Facebook. My openness is blunt and startling to some people. The way I see it, even with this information, you have no power over me. Don't get me wrong. I lurve you all, but that doesn't give you any power over me. It is my choice. Being honest.

In past blog posts, I've talked about my brush with alcoholism and obesity. Week after week, year after year, I would drink a bottle of gin over a couple of days, smoke a few packs of cigarettes, repeat till I got sick. I let myself go. As soon as I was feeling better, I would repeat the cycle. I got larger and larger. Drunker and drunker. Until one day, I didn't get sick anymore, and the cycle was broken.

That's when the acid reflux started. I knew there was something wrong. My throat didn't heal. For the next five years, I battled reflux on a daily, no, an hourly basis. My nose ran constantly. I was constantly having to clear my throat. Some of my employers moved me into a closet so I wouldn't disturb the other people. I went from bad, to worse, to manageable.

Finally, finally(!), it happened. More than five years later, I got sick again. Yea, that's right. What ever was wrong with my throat seemed to protect me from strep, flu, colds, everything. I hadn't been sick in five plus years. Once I got to feeling better, I noticed that I was no longer refluxing at night. My nose still runs, but much of the time, it is almost normal. I'm not ready to celebrate yet. I've been through all this before. This time just feels different. I'm hoping, and praying, that I've finally beat this, and its not going to be with me for the rest of my life. I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy.

One of the pluses of this whole experience and being a triathlete is that I have finally let go of the drinking. I still have a beer every now and then, but its been three months (or more) since I've had a mixed drink. In case you don't follow me on Facebook, Dee Dee and I went out last night and really tied one on. I just needed to get totally smashed, and I almost succeeded. Dee Dee had a good time. She was worshiping the porcelain goddess this morning.

Do I look at this as a step backwards? The short answer is no. Everybody needs to blow off stress and rebalance their life. I needed this time to right a few things in my mind. Sometimes, the only way to hold onto something is to let it go.

Being honest.

Wes

20 comments:

Rachel said...

Brutal honesty is the best medicine. I'm very blunt as well and people either love it or hate it. We are always walking a line. Sometimes we fall on the wrong side. There's always a second chance. Way to fight your battle with health and have health win!

Gotta Run..Gotta Ride said...

I thought you were going ot leave us... you know here in the blog world. :(

boy was that close!! I love honest people. it shows that we are not perfect but are smart enough to makes changes where we see fit when we see fit.

WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

btw - poor sweet DeeDee.

Molly said...

Good for you. You guys were a hoot on FB last night :)

I haven't quite been there-been there, but I've definitely had a few times where I needed to reevaluate how much I was drinking and why (I think Jeff and I spent one particularly dark rainy winter going through a 12-pack of Coors Light every 2 days or less). It takes a lot of maturity for you to know your limits and be able to have a little fun every so often without getting back in the cycle.

See you in just a few weeks!

Kim said...

amen to that brother. we all need to blow off steam every now and again. you can do that another way too ya know ;) your honesty is always refreshing.

Carolina John said...

honesty is always the best policy. my parents (and kelley's) tell me not to put up half the shit i do on my blog, and it hasn't stopped me yet.

whatever your release of choice is or chooses to be that night it has to be worth it. i havne't been much of a heavy drinker in years, but i will hit the chicken wings for the same effect. reflux and all.

redheadmomma said...

We love you just the way you are, Wes. I wanted to suggest that if the reflux comes back - and you we've been dealing with it with Noah, and it is NO fun - try an excellent naturopath & see if they can help you. It's working minor miracles for us over yonder.

XO R

Lily on the Road said...

Wes, xoxoxoxo

if you weren't exactly who you are would we *know* one another?

xoxoxxo Dee Dee!

you two are "family" because of being you are

you are both so real.

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

appreciate the honesty. and you sharing your struggles.

hope dee dee is feeling better.

Michelle said...

Honesty is definitely always the best policy. Hope poor DeeDee is feeling better!

LBTEPA said...

You're the best, Wes. Don't ever change (except to improve). That come out wrong! You know what I mean.
((hugs))

Runner Leana said...

Wes, the best blogs are always those who are being honest. Ultimately if you want the blog to serve as a reminder to you about where you have been, then honesty is definitely the best policy. If other people don't like it, then they don't have to read it. Did I really want to write that I felt like I was alternating between wanting to barf and wanting to poop my pants at Lake Stevens? No..what if some cute boy read about it? How can I learn to fix the problem if I don't remember what went wrong though?

Anyhow, thank you for being you Wes and telling us about it!

Missy said...

Sometimes you just gotta throw down, then throw up and then give it a rest for a while, yep, that's about how we roll too. Can't do it all the time but sometimes you just gotta parrrrty forrilla. Very fun and sorry that I missed it!

triguyjt said...

not a step back at all...not with you being so honest with yourself....
you're good to go....

full speed ahead....

Marni said...

I appreciate your honesty. If anything, we could all be a bit more honest on our blogs to show the True sides and our real personalities. Everything isn't always great and perky all the time. however, I find that writing the good parts in life on our blogs allows us to reflect on the many positive things in our life worth remembering. Love your blog Wes!
BTW-We are heading up to Marietta on sun for the US 100K classic (karel is racing on Mon).
-marn

Marcy said...

I'm with Robin, I thought this was going to be a good bye post. Phhhhewwww.

Daddy always said "The truth will set you free" Nothing wrong with being honest :-). Unless you tell me I look like a sausage stuffed in casing or something :P

Ryan said...

Gawd I am so sick of training right now that I would love a carton of smokes, a bottle of gin, and a bisexual porn movie.

Opps, I mean....

I'm with you Wes, nobody has power over you except for you. We all have demons and struggles, at least i do, and as long as you control them more than they control you life is good.

Power to the People!

I don't even know what that means.

Jess said...

The way I see it, it's your blog, you can write about what you want, in whatever way you want.

And yeah, sometimes, you have to fall off the wagon. It's good for you to blow off some steam that way!

teacherwoman said...

As I have gotten older, I have grown to be more blunt. Some people haven't always taken it as a positive thing, but I don't like to sugar coat things for my friends.

I love your honesty. we love ya!

Stuart said...

If you can't be honest with yourself, you'll never be honest with others and it looks like you stared down your demons on this one!

Darrell said...

Hmmmm? Hang on to the good, Wes, hang on.