I am in the twightlight zone. I'm between that stage, where I want to commit to the path that I have embarked upon, yet, I'm not ready to give up the vestiges of my past. The bad habits I have accumulated over forty years of life still cling to me, like a bad smell. The kind of smell that you can't get rid of, no matter how many times you climb into the shower and scrub, and scrub, and scrub.
You see, my love for running has not yet overcome all these questionable things I like to do. I still eat more than I should. I still crave the beer and the alcohol. When I cave in and drink, the cigarettes come out, and I smoke. Not a lot, but enough to be a nuisance, but more than I should (which is none).
Critical mass is approaching. It's not a life defining moment, maybe. Rather, it is a moment of ultimate personal endearment. Either I want to live a better life. Either I want to commit to being a better healthier person, or I don't. There is no try. There is only do, or not do. This week, my rest week, I'm going to have to have a "come to Jesus" moment. Release the last remnants of old bad habits like a sweaty dirty running outfit, or accept that I'm not going to be able to do what I want to. That these old habits have some kind of control over me that I don't want to admit.
I don't like to be controlled. I don't like to be dictated to, even by my own poor decisions.
Yea, yea. It's time to finish strong. I've got the rest of my life to finish strong. It's time for an ah ha! moment. Starting now. Thank you, Jesus.
Wes
ORN: Rest
6 comments:
Conviction and commitment are a very good thing. But do not make this an all or nothing proposition - we will never achieve perfection. Heck, Sister Smile just did a 20 miler on 4 hours of sleep that was the result of a late night that included several glasses of wine AND she had a great run. I’m just saying, there is room for commitment to good health and room for just being human. ;-)
de de de dee de de de dee . . .
We are now returning control of your blog to you . . .
I went to a wedding reception last night, had a little wine, danced a lot and ran 10 miles today. Rose is right - it's not all or nothing. We can have moderation in all things. Except maybe smoking, I think you should give up smoking. Smoking is contradictory to running. The rest of it though, heck, we all over eat and over drink occasionally. Just go with the flow.
Thanks, gals! It's not about making it an all or nothing proposition. I am a binge drinker, and I need to break myself of this habit. That behavior is all or nothing. And I can quit smoking. I did 18 years ago, and I can now. A little social drinking and fun is not an issue with me...
When will they invent the "energy smoke?" I would be all over that like white on rice.
You know whats what... it will all happen.
Oh, BTW, my taper week is next week.... this is my last chance week...
Yeah, what they said!
The very first time I had an 18 mile run on my schedule, I threw a bachelorette party the night before. I got home at 3 a.m. and met my trainer for the run at 7 - and somehow, it happened. However, I drank very little (fortunately I can act like an idiot without a lot of alcohol!) and I don't recommend it - but the point is, you don't have to give up EVERYTHING all the time to live a mostly healthy life. Who said it - everything in moderation, including moderation? I like that. :-)
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